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sensitive content warning // disclaimer

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disclaimer : Everything I write is purely about my experience of depression and anxiety, I fully acknowledge that it may not feel like this for anyone else and I do not claim to speak for anyone else but myself. sensitive content : These posts are diary style, and at times, I do struggle with sensitive topics such as suicidal thoughts, which may be written about here. I will endeavour to put a warning in the title of the post so that you are aware and can choose not to read that post.
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9:30pm

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Sometimes, I question whether it's all worth it. I told my psychologist that I was starting to lose faith in it all and she said to try not to. Because things will get better. I'm told that a lot. My GP, my old advisor, my friends... "just keep going, make it through the day, you'll start to feel better soon". It's not that I doubt the ability or knowledge of my psychologist, but, as we've discovered, the point I've reached now, the low that I'm at, is 20 odd years in the making. And I'm supposed to have faith that a few months of talk therapy will get to the root of my many many issues and start to resolve them? It just seems so impossible and improbable. I do want to get better. Otherwise I wouldn't have kept it all up. I go to every. single. appointment. I've tried so so so many things, and the net result is that I've hit a pretty low, low. A persistent flat low, and I'm just drifting along trying not to get lost in it a...
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